Saturday, January 2, 2010
EVERYTHING I'M NOT MAKES ME EVERYTHING I AM...MY HAIR PROCESS:)
This is a journal that I posted on facebook starting back from December 2007. It goes through my journey of being comfortable in my natural state of beauty and the emotions and experiences that I have been though. I hope you use this as an encouragement while you go through your own journey. Enjoy:)
I began my process from relaxed to natural last year in November2006. I wore wigs for a while and braids. In February of 2007, my life was getting kind of hectic..well just plain crazy...I got in a car wreck, lost my job, went to the hospital for an illness, moved to Dallas away from my family and friends and the hardest...finding out that my fiance's parents didn't want me to marry their son without getting to know the real me and also making preparations for my upcoming wedding. One day, before my 27th birthday, I felt like I needed a release from everything. I removed all the bad energy from my tresses and decided to cut off all my hair. This was easy for me to do because I have done it before in college,but this was not just a hairstyle for me. It symbolized all the bad energy that was in my life and I had to cut it lose. I felt so free. This was the beginning of my process to change the way I thought about myself and to not worry about how I look to others.
Here I am now in the month of March 2007(maroon shirt with head tie). I was suppose to have my hair permed and ready for my wedding by the end of March. But I felt so comfortable with this look. I started to go to work without the wigs. I stopped looking at wedding permed hairstyles with the mile long silky weave and beyonce curls. I went straight to the store and bought ribbons, scarves and natural hairstyle books for my hair. I thought to myself "I am beautiful...forget what others had to say...this is me." At this point I stopped stressing over the wedding and started working on myself. I had never felt so much confidence and empowered in all my 27 years. This wasn't just a hairstyle...a trend...a phase... I started to grow into myself.
At this point all the demons of my self image and the worry of being accepted by others started to leave me. I decided to cancel my wedding and to work on building me. With all the wedding planning, I felt that I was losing myself. I kept worrying about my fiance's parent and how I could get them to love me and accept me for who I am but it was a lot of work which was making me sick. Cancelling the wedding was the hardest thing to do,but mature thing to do at this time.. not only did I cancel the wedding but also broke of my 6 year relationship with my fiance. I needed to get away from the stress and focus on me. In this picture, I needed a break more than ever. I decided to braid up my hair and started working out at the gym. Here I am in the locker room(blue shirt with braids).
In this picture( in the red shirt),its the end of September, and I got a lot of things running in my head. I'm feeling alone in Dallas, no boyfriend, no friends, but I have me. See the smile on my face...;p I moved into my own apartment and also decided to start my own consulting business. My hair has grown a lot in this picture. Not only that but I am growing as a person. Wow. Its when you go through those stressful moments you learn how strong you really are and what you can put up with. I feel like I can do anything at this point. I thank God everyday for giving me the strength and the confidence I need to make it through the day. My attitude has changed. I'm not angry and bitter anymore. I'm not worried about how people perceive me. My hair is out and kinky and I love it. I love me!
It's November 2007(in blue and brown sweater). I'm in my new place and I am loving it. I am learning new things about myself everyday. My hair is so amazing. I can wash it and go and my hair has such a pretty perfect curl pattern like a cork screw. People come up and ask me if I have a wig on and who styles my hair. I reply with a serious look on my face "God". One lady asked me where is the God salon located. I feel like I can use my hair as a testimony and tell people why I cut my hair and what I've been through. Its funny when God can use the smallest things like my hair to minister to other people. I never thought in a million years that I could cut off all my hair and not worry about if people will think "Am I pretty or not." Its natural for us as people to want to belong, blend in to what is happening and what hot now. But when its time for us to stand alone and to be "me" we become afraid and often question "who am I?"
Now I'm not saying that everyone has to go natural and cut off their hair to discover who they are. This was my process. You have to find your own way. Everybody has there own way that leads them to there destiny. Mine was about letting go of the things that you are use to and finding myself. I was use to my relaxed hair(my boyfriend,my family and friends, my job, my thought of acceptance, my drama engagement,my self image)...message... and thought by cutting it was a huge lost and still gained a lot. I found out that I can be dependent on myself and accept me as a beautiful natural hair wearing queen that I am and most importantly depending and having full faith in God. He carries me through everything and has not failed me yet. Now for those who are wondering about my engagement...well God is working it out. But I'm not worried or sad about it. I'm having fun!
December 2007(grey shirt with orange head band). Now it is close to the end of the year. I'm focus launching my upcoming beauty consulting business called Image Transformation. I'm so excited and I hope you are too so stay tuned. It will launch in Spring 2008.
Wow...my hair is big in this one. I blew it out. Gorgeous..isn't it! This year has been a life changing experience for me. My world has changed so much and also my out look on life..my life. Nothing can stop me now and I only just begun. Its getting bigger and bigger..like my hair...lol. I hope any body reading this can use this as encouragement. God has really showed me what my potential is and my purpose. Let God show you the real you and you will be surprise what will come of it:)
Need an update(Blue dress). It is 2009 and a lot has certainly changed in my life this year. This year is starting off rocky but it is a growing process I guess. God is turning the mirror on me and I am reflecting over my life. I realize that even though my outward appearance has changed that I still need repair of my heart on the inside. Pain is not ever easy to deal with but it is something that I must face. I know God is still working on my progress. I know that someday I'll get out of this rut. I'm just living in my winter season right now. This too shall pass.
....The last paragraph was my last entry back in April 2009. A lot has changed then, even my company name. My hair growth journey was a metaphoric way of showing me how life can grow and changed in all of us. You find new discoveries about yourself. You become creative with new ideas and new way of looking at things. You may go through some hurtful growing pains , even with your hair while going natural that may cause you to"cut some bad ends off". In a weird way my hair symbolized my life and helped me deal with the disappointments and challenges that I had along the way. But life continues and it grows and with that comes patients and the willingness to learn new things. I encourage anyone going natural or even thinking about it...keep a journal of what your process is and later look back at it and see what changes, good or bad , that you see within yourself. This is still the beginning for me. Its been almost 3 years since the start of my journey. My hair is growing crazy like a weed and looking back makes me see how far that I have come. I love self discovery. It may be a painful process but its all worth it. I hope you all have a safe and happy New Year. Feel free to leave comments and questions. Till then, take care. This is Afro Angel signing out:)